I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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