i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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