Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
