Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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