I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
