I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize