I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize