I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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