so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
