Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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