he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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