i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize