That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
