Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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