I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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