i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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