You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bring me that man meat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
