theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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