No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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