It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just invented taco cereal.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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