News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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