when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
