If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
