I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
