Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
