things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
