Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize