you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
