We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
