I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
