I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
two words...techno handjob
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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