yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
