I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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