I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What drink are we having for lunch?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
