thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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