It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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