Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
