Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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