my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize