I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
