When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
