It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
