I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
