I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
