So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
