Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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