They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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