Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Randomize
