I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
