hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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