Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
