I just threw up on my dentist
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
