I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
