Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
