Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
