he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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