Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
