Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize