Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
