hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
