I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
