Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
