What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
