she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Even my vagina gasped.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
