): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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