I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
