he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
