i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i was born a porn star she said
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
